Of fairy tales...

I think the fairy folk are calling out to me.i was driving down a long,twisty lane,surrounded by thick woods on either side.it was nearing midnight,a very cold ,a very quiet night.the kind of night when all your senses are on alert,and something inside you is waiting....waiting for a call from beyond..suddenly there was an isolated patch of thick fog at a bend in the road.i held my breath and went through it..and just for an instant,i caught the shadowy glimpse of a unicorn,peering out at me intently from the woods...

Then one evening,i was coming back home,walking through an old, familiar street.it was lighted by dim,comforting lights and from far away, home beckoned invitingly.and then,right there ,in the middle of an oft travelled street,a gust of random breeze blew up some dry leaves and they swirled around me in a mad dance ...daring me,mocking me,laughing at me...as i stood spell bound and entranced on that still,silent night....the unknown was calling,pulling me in..right in my own backyard..

On both these occasions,i was filled with a strange yearning.for one mad moment,i wanted to step into the woods and ride the unicorn to wherever it would take me.i wanted to step into the magic wind and let it blow me away.i wanted to go beyond the horizons that the eyes see and enter worlds that only minds can perceive.i wanted to duel wicked witches and save infant princes from conniving uncles.i wanted to fly on dragons and ride fishes underwater.i wanted to let go of the mundane and commonplace and be in an exciting world where mirages are real and myths come true and miracles happen...

Its all there you know.And the key to stepping from one world to the next is simple.Faith.You have to know,know,not hope that there is a unicorn.That it is a magic wind.The Fairy People do not welcome just about anyone.If you don't believe in their existence,they will never let you in..

Take a turn from your shadow,and just a breath away from reality,there is a path which leads to the kingdom.walk down it,holding on to the thread made of sunbeams and hope.it might unravel as you tug on it,but thats all right..it will not disappear on you.see the tiny faces peeking up at you from under the flowers?..take care,they could be either goblins or gnomes..or the shape of your own dreams..that dark thunderstorm on the horizon is what you need to be afraid of..it is the essence of your nightmares..but if you trust the goodness inside you and the kindness of strangers,then the darkness may envelope you for a time but it can never extinguish you..hold on to the staff of moonlight,with its core of wisdom ,and let it guide you...and you will come to a land of exquisite beauty..does it exist in some far away land,as insubstantial as clouds?...or hidden under the shadow of some mighty mountain,deep in the heart of a forest?...or does it exist in your own heart?...who knows..but if you follow my directions,maybe you will..

Some day when there is a gale,step out in it.the wind will tell you the answers to all the questions in your heart...if only you know how to listen...

of information overload

Do you know what an Altazimuth is?i found out yesterday while i was flipping through a book of general knowledge in a bemused fashion.OK here's the thing..tell me what is the use of these things.unless you are severely bored on a dark rainy night,and lets face it,there are always better things to do on dark,rainy nights!!...but anyway,i mean who the president of Cambodia is,or the principal exports of Nigeria may fascinate you for maybe seventeen minutes(my personal best attention span),and then,steals over you a sense of unease,followed by bewilderment,and finally a sense of vague but deep guilt that you do not know any or all of this information.

And the real fact is that information like this,should you ever be in a position of actually requiring to know,like lets say,your boyfriends father asking you,or a insane gunman demanding to know while his gun hand shakes terrifyingly at you,or -and this is more possible, a game show host,my advise would be a)dump the boyfriend,basic genetics being the reason b)everyone has to die sometime,and c) is money everything?grab this man's collar and say"listen loser,you are getting paid to know this bull shit but i WILL BE FREE..no amount of money will be sufficient to make me stuff my head with this crap..hey , hey, let go of me..LET GO OF ME!!"

OK went slightly overboard here,but the fact is this.The purpose of general knowledge as a subject has always eluded my understanding,unlike say maths,or even physics.maybe its the fact that random pieces of information have always been aligned together.geology with history,rain forests trying to edge out the top mountain ranges...it offends my sense of neatness and order..and also..purposeless.there is a bad experience which is also associated with this.

I was at an incredibly high toned party some years ago.it was one of those places where incredibly good looking people air kiss other incredibly beautiful people and make languid conversation about the coloured diamonds they have bought from Paris last week.so one of these people corners me and starts to talk about her divorce.her husband,apparently had been lying through his teeth in court about everything,from the size of his property to having an affair but especially,and this seemed to bother her a lot more,her age.she said plaintively"he is testifying under oath,can you believe it?"and since i didn't know what to say this is what i came up with "hey do you know,the word testifying comes from Rome,where it means that the men are swearing on their testicles that they are speaking the truth!".there was a strained silence which ended in hysterical laughter from the people nearby,the lady leaving in a huff,and my never speaking to the hosts involved again,which in some ways was a relief.

Did you know that in ancient Egypt women used to put piles of scented grease on the top of their heads early in the morning and as the day went past the grease would melt and drench the women's clothes and bodies and keep them scented throughout the day.
Thank you God for Chanel,Elizabeth Arden and similar!also for not making me an ancient Egyptian.
P.S:An Altazimuth is something that measures the altitude and azimuth of celestial bodies.what is azimuth?ah that my friends, is another story,for another day!

Of poetry and not much else!

Found a very old piece of paper.This was what was on it...

"Sitting by the stream,at the far end of the field

looking up at the sky,so deep and blue

the wind rushes by me

and suddenly reminds me

of half forgotten lyrics,of unwritten stories

of shared laughter,of unbidden memories

of december rain....and of you

i remember growing up together

the best of friends, forever

the laughter,the fights and tears

the shared ice creams and unnamed fears

Then becoming young enough to consider ourselves old

our sweetest dreams and towering ambitions untold

except to each other

there was nothing we could not do,there was nothing we could not be

because i was you and you were me

But then ..one day i woke up and faced an unacknowledged truth...

did you see it in my eyes?

feel the change in my love

that i tried so hard to disguise

I can still hear the pain in your voice

telling me you had to go away

but that one day it would be all right

that the hurt would stop...

and all i could feel was an agony so blinding,so bright

that it filled my entire being

and became part of me from that rain drenched december night...

And slowly time went on

And events occurred

And i could laugh again

I could sing at times

and watch movies,and gossip

slowly there were new people and new friends

Life went on.....and i thought i'd healed

But today,sitting by the stream,at the far end of the field

looking up at the sky,so deep and blue

the wind rushes by me,and suddenly reminds me

of sleepless nights,of forgotten dreams

of bittersweet melodies,of countless little things

And i know that i will never be free of you"

I wrote this when i was 19 years and going through,what my sister calls "a fraud phase",meaning that i wrote things which had absolutely no relation to real life.actually,when it comes to poetry,i still do that.my stories nearly always have some parallel with my own life..i remember being strangely happy and utterly content the day i wrote this,which should give you some idea how much of a fake i can be!

It has been the coldest winter in my memory,not that that means anything because i have a lousy memory,but seriously.i mean ive been shivering my way through the days,just trying to stay alive,from one to the next.all the shaking exhausts me,and i drop of to sleep at some ungodly hour,like 9:30.my social life,not particularly scintillating to start with, has rapidly deteriorated to recriminations and accusations from my friends,none of whom have the capacity,or indeed imagination,to sympathise with my plight!!

oooh,getting sleepy again.i know this by the strange buzzing in my head and the increased frequency of typos.will finish by quoting a poem by my sister,at around the same age as me when i wrote the piece above...she is a much better poet than i will ever be,which is a fact i mostly accept with equanimity,consoling myself by remembering that i had a little something to do with it by handing her books when she was three and a half,an adorable looking urchin,with a distressing tendency to tag after me everywhere,drooling, and being disgusting and persistent,in equal measures.here is one of her random things..

"I am looking beyond the sea and the sky

I am looking beyond the dark and the light

Looking for a love that transcends time

I am looking beyond forever....

Springs turning to summer,winters turning to fall

And still i am waiting to hear your call

And i am willing to wait till eternity

And beyond..."