The year that was

So another year has gone by,leaving memories both bitter and sweet,filled with triumphs and failures.In its way,its been a defining year for me in a lot of ways,both big and small.for example,i finally found THE haircut!No mean feat that,considering the number of years ive been trying to find it...also,developed a sudden affinity to the colour black,for some reason.Let go of some of my favourite theories in life,with both regret and heartache.On the other hand,some of my beliefs stood the test of trials and emerged stronger than ever.yes,i have had a hell of a time this year.Found out that insanity can be glorious if you are willing to pay the price for it.That no matter how miserable life can get,it also surprises you with its intense capacity for joy.And that at the end of the day,you will surprise yourself by being more than you thought you could be.Weaker than you feared,stronger than you hoped.At times more abandoned than common sense advises and then.. sometimes painfully practical...Yes,its been a year of self discovery,as much as anything else...

Any way,on the subject of resolutions,i stand firm.The only resolution i have is that i shall not tie myself down to anything.No damn diets,or promises to speak the truth.i will lie,prevaricate and tell outrageous fibs,if thats what i want to do.i shall eat tons of chocolates,sing in public,stare at strangers,if i want....i will not play fair anymore...neither at love,nor at anything else..if i want to ,i will give random things a chance..i will try out red nail polish and flat boring shoes...i reserve the right to be fickle,as well as to be staunch...i will be mean,if the mood seizes me,or superlatively nice.Just,whatever i want.This year is going to be only about me...selfishness,thats the keyword..

Frankly,if more people tried being selfish the world would be slightly less psychotic..sometimes i think half the misery in this world comes from people trying to do what makes half a dozen other people happy,while trying to make a doormat out of themselves,then expecting tender loving care from those others..never going to happen.You go out and do what makes you happy,and do not delude yourself into believing that you are responsible for anyone except yourself.Not even the people you love most in this world.At the most ,you can hold their hats and cheer them on,or be ready to stand the drinks at the winning post or the wake,but everyone should be allowed to go to hell in their own unique way,as well as find a way to gatecrash paradise.Believe me,thats the kindest and the best thing you can do for them.

I dont know what the next year will bring.My wishlist includes seeing a meteorite shower.And a blue moon.And the Niagara falls...i pray for wisdom.... but hope also that i can still stay a bit naive...i hope that i will have more memories to cherish,more heights to conquer,more myths to make real,more reality to understand and deal with..if it brings with it pain,let me be able to absorb it and grow stronger without growing harder...if it brings joy,let me be able to live fully in those moments and then be able to let them go...To be able to love with all my heart and live with all my life...with no regrets,no regrets ever...