Of the middle

hello children,i am back...feeling happy and benevolent towards life in general and myself in particular.the weather is misty and soft,i have been lucky enough to meet both weird ,random and boderline insane people..the universe,with its usual capricious and whimsical sense of humor,is for once letting me have what i have always wanted...an interesting life

people..they are the most fascinating creations in God's good earth and yes,i am taking into considerations the claims of the black widow spider,with its charming concepts of romance,the ostrich,with its amazing capacity of denial,the hooded seals of Antarctica,the males of which species show off to females by inflating their bright red noses like a balloon(this is fact,swear im not making this up!)or even the sloth,who unlike the lovable yet spastic sid in the ice age series,are excellent hunters and apparently are not only very fond of beer,but able to hold their liquor amazingly well,which is more than can be said of most human beings..


not that its possible to define people,and i would not be presumptuous or stupid enough to try to do so..but the one thing ive found common in every one i know,is the capacity to surprise....no matter how well you think you know someone,or how dull and boring you think they are...just occasionally,for an instant,they will say or do something which will reveal a side you never suspected they have..sometimes,with some people,i wonder if they themselves know who they are...and then, occasionally,there are people who know very well who they are,and are simply not interested in sharing that knowledge with most of the world....and very rarely there are those,who deny who they are..who they can be...those are the ones who pull at me,for some strange reason....why do they do it?is it because they know what they can be and the knowledge terrifies them...are there monsters in their heads they are hiding from,or imps urging them on to dangerous mischief...or demons laughing at them from shadows,nudging them to break rules....or are there angels with swords,demanding that they change the world,ideals and principals,dancing about in their heads and hearts,demanding freedom,demanding change,demanding action....


or is it both...are they the ones torn between heaven and hell,able to see very clearly the choices and the consequences of them..with the knowledge that they could be either but not both..not like the rest of the blessed mortals,comfortably living with spite and generosity,moments of cowardice and flashes of courage,moments of madness alternating with almost stupefying sanity...they are the children of earth..the middle ground..the effortless amalgamation of heaven and hell,good and bad,light and dark...the lucky ones.in their lives they will be good men and bad men and quite often ordinary men,and people will love them and hate them and ignore them but they will not shake the world to its core..

i am not talking,you know you know of people who are born with Gods sword in thier hands..the true and the pure and the courageous..the ones who will always do the right thing,no matter what the cost to themselves..or the ones who are born with the Devil laughing over their shoulders....who gleefully embrace evil...both these kinds are happy with who they are..they know themselves and are comforrtable with that knowledge ..for them there has been no choice..they dont understand the other side..the children of heaven and the children of hell...


but They... are forever stuck in the middle...melding neither with one nor the other..both and none....they are the ones who have concentrated good in them...and concentrated evil as well...and the courage and the coldness required to fulfill both destinies...some of them choose..one side or the other...they might deny the other half of themselves...stay restless and angry....but they will become names the world revers or vilifies...and some...stay in shadows...lose themselves behind a persona which can be anything they want it to be..charming,sullen,brilliant,stupid...everything is true and none of it is..they live in a world of mirages......i wonder if ,after a while,they begin to believe the illusion they have created....who knows..maybe.... i hope they can..

sometimes i look out of the window in the middle of the night and look at all the tiny lights of the city spread out..and wonder at all the stories..the happy ones..the sad ones..the tragic,the mundane and the extraordinary ones...and i wonder how they will all end...i wonder how mine will end...its been a hell of a journey so far..and today,in this moment, i would not change a minute of it...