Bend in the road

Well,its been quite some time since i logged in..life has been a roller coster ride..you never really appreciate the meaning of this phrase until you've actually been on one of these rides from hell..holy God,the mindnumbing terror and tiny part exhilaration apart,my entire being is mostly concentrated on not throwing up!!uggh..and thats what this week has been like..lost a friend..and then found out that,after all,i hadnt..disillusionment and faith,relief and misery,guilt and anger...a real roller coaster ride..

And then eventually you accept the truth of who you are ..and who the people you love are as well..and the fact that no matter how much people change,the bonds that bind them can weaken only if they so choose..it was a strangely liberating realisation ..to be sure that come hell or high water, some things are meant to be...

Was waiting at a random stranger's house,earlier in the week ,not even sure what i was doing there,and i picked up an issue of Outlook magazine..and two things happened..one,i read a line of Tagore's poetry.."Nirjan raate,nishabho paye,chole eschecho kano?"..and it immediately captured my imagination..in an instant flash i saw her looking at him..so many questions in her eyes..and i wanted to know the entire story..so now im on a quest to find out what happened on that nirjaan raate..

And two,i read an article by Arundhati Roy on the Maoist situation.The thing about this author is that i disliked her book immensely..which could be a compliment in itself ,had it not been for the nature of dislike..it depresses the hell out of me,which i dont really mind,but the thing is that i found it entirely forgettable...unlike say,Wuthering Heights,which depresses me as well,but in which not only do i find a morbid fascination with the inevitability of the destruction which comes to the protagonists but which also makes me wonder over and over again,Why? why is it not the kind of love i can understand?why are the charecters not likeable?why do they keep coming together when they almost hate each other?why does it not even make sense sometimes and still is not something i can forget...the other day,reading a totally random book offered a interesting insight on this one...that maybe the only redeeming point of Cathy and Heathcliff was their love for each other.. and maybe the only redeeming point about this book is that it dosent let you forget it..

okay that was major digression..anyway,the thing is that her maoist article seemed insightful,researched,and passionate..it hooked me and i wanted to actually know more about the situation..being the political illiterate that i am,this is a major breakthrough for me.

So this is me..heading towards a new dawn of political awareness and literary discovery..feeling at peace and eager for tommorow after a long time..personal conflicts and relationships sorted out with a strange feeling of certainity in the decisions taken..somethings lost but a lot more gained.... i am happy..and life has promise again.